Teaser Tuesday
Today, I’m posting a teaser from my YA urban fantasy, CLASH. This is from a scene where my MC and her “partner” follow a lead on a possible home of some dark sorcerers in the area.
Challenge Week Nine| Quick Writing Update » »When we reached the next floor, I placed both hands on the wooden door and closed my eyes. I leaned forward and rested my cheek against the rough surface. The room itself throbbed with power, but I felt nothing living inside. Unless the Orcus had figured out a brand-new method of blocking their presence from being sensed, the building was most definitely empty. For now.
“You sure no one is in there?” Damion asked. He fidgeted with the clasp of his large, silver watch before shoving his hands into his pockets.
“Yeah, but keep your eyes and ears open anyway. Just in case.”
“Why?” He eyed the door warily. “Are we on the same wavelength here? Something isn’t right, but I can’t put my finger on it. Do you think it’s a trap?”
“No.” I paused, furrowing my eyebrows. “I don’t know. Where did you get the info about this territory anyway?”
“I have sources,” he said, glancing away at the hall window overlooking the street.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Seriously? You aren’t going to tell me?”
“Maybe when I think I can trust you.” His eyes stayed glued to the window.
I couldn’t believe he’d just said that to me. My mouth opened to remind him that he hadn’t been exactly trustworthy either, but I quickly snapped my teeth together instead.
Pick your battles, Phoebe. Right now, it isn’t worth it.
“Whatever,” I said. “Let’s go in and get this over with so I can go home.”
“After you,” he said, still staring out the window.
With a quick jolt of my power, the lock tumbled. I kicked the door, letting it swing open before either of us stepped a foot inside. I peered into the shadows, waiting for my eyes to adjust as the low light from the hall’s single bulb spilled into the apartment.
When nothing jumped out to attack me, I walked inside, Damion on my heels. The small entry opened up to a very large and very empty room. Not a single piece of furniture was in sight.
“What is this?” Damion asked, rushing forward and turning in a wide circle to look at the barren walls.
“Looks like your source was wrong.” I tried not to be happy that perfect Damion had made a mistake, but I couldn’t stop a tiny smile. “That or the Orcus somehow got a tip-off that we’d be here. So, I’m going to ask again. Where’d you get your info, Damion?”
“Do you smell that?” he asked, ignoring my question. Ever since we’d entered the room, the stink of something similar to rotting meat had tickled my nose, but I’d dismissed it as belonging to the trash of a nearby restaurant.
“Smells like that Chinese restaurant’s dumpster,” I said.
“That was a few blocks back,” he said, his eyes sliding to the closed door on the far wall.
I followed his gaze and shook my head wordlessly.
Damion rolled his shoulders, walked over and twisted the knob. When the door swung open, I gasped. In the middle of the hardwood floor, the vacant eyes of a familiar man stared straight up at mine. It was the first Orco I’d met in the Midtown alley.
The man whose power I had destroyed.
Dressed in all black, he lay there with arms crossed over his chest like he was resting in a coffin underneath the earth instead of lying on dusty hardwood. A white piece of paper sat on his chest, and my stomach churned at the niggling suspicion it was meant just for me.
With trembling hands, I snatched the thin sheet, trying my best not to touch the dead body. I turned the paper over and read the words scrawled in bright red marker.
Comments
Oy! Chilling stuff - well done!
Oh, no fair. Now that was a tease.
Great writing, Jen.
What Bran said! I really want to read more!
I love the way you paint the scene, it was easy for me to ’see’ everything.
Excellent stuff, missus.
Smooth writing, Jen! Your dialogue works really well. Nice job!
Way to leave us hanging.
Thanks guys!
This is actually the end of a chapter. I like cliffhangers.
Super easy to read and great descriptions! It seemed very polished to me!
Why? Why can’t I leave a comment?
Oh, sure…my test comment goes through just fine. Anyways…what was I gonna say? I dig the distrust and Damion’s not particularly chivalrous, is he?
Great job! Love it.
Excellent cliffhanger. Well done.
This is something else. I want to know what that paper says. I love it!
Gah! What does it say? What does it say?
Oooh nice job! Very chilling and great cliffhanger. I’s love to read more of the relationship between these characters. Great premise as always!
You could probably trim all the adverbs. The only possible way to “eye the door” is warily, and the narrator could have “shook her head” without the “wordlessly”. See what I mean? In the right circumstances, an adverb can pack some punch, but only very rarely.
On the other hand, I loved your action verbs (”throbbed with power”) and your dialog was sleek and smooth. And that was a great cliffhanger.
Really liked this. Great dialogue. Your writing is wery polished and flowed so smoothly. I liked the dynamic between the characters. This is totally nitpicky, but I would suggest having her smell something odd when she first steps inside the room since it made me feel like she was keeping info from me and only telling me when she was called on it.
I’m hooked!
This is awesome. There’s a great tension to this scene, not only because of the where and what, but because she’s with someone who clearly has his own agenda. Nicely done!
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