Teaser Tuesday
It’s Teaser Tuesday time again. Today’s teaser is from the first (rough) draft of my WIP, SHATTER ME.
Challenge Week Five| How To Procrastinate » »Outside, the night air felt cool on my skin after the stuffiness of the storage unit. I breathed in the fresh scent of pine needles and newly cut grass. It sure was a lot different than the smog of all the cities I’ve called home.
Behind me, Caden locked the unit while I kicked the gravel with the toes of my boots.
A noise caught my attention. It sounded like gravel peppering the ground in a tiny avalanche. An eerie feeling crawled along my skin, and I stared hard into the darkness to my left. The sound came from around the corner of the building, and I ached to go see what was there. But Caden was right behind me. Even though I didn’t taste anything, I knew there was someone—or something—hidden in the shadows. And I had a really bad feeling about what it was.
Turning back to Caden, I tried to put on a calm face, even though I knew we were being watched. My stomach felt like it was being churned inside a blender. A strange protective instinct–one I’d never felt before–flared up inside me. I wanted Caden out of here. Now.
“Need a ride home?” I asked, gesturing to my parents’ car.
He hooked a thumb through his belt loop and took a few slow steps closer to me.
Get in the car. Get in the car. Get in the car!
“Yeah,” he said. “If you don’t mind.”
“Of course not,” I said, wiping a bead of sweat off my forehead. With my racing heart, I no longer felt chilly. “I wouldn’t just leave you here alone.”
And with a Gorgon.
Comments
I’m hooked! Aaah I want to know what happens next! ^___^
Ooh, I want to know what a Gorgon is. 8^)
“And with a Gorgon”!!!!!
I love Teaser Tuesday. And I really love your voice, Jen. Awesome.
I wanted to polish something to post this Tuesday, but I got caught up in “Scott & Jean” Day. Next week, though.
I swear.
*squee* Jen! Fabulous, as usual. Hurry up and get those books out to your adoring public so we can read the whole thing
Really great teaser for the novel. Once again, you’ve nailed YA first person voice, like Luther with the 95 Theses on the door of Wittenberg.
My other thought was that the third paragraph could be tightened. There’s a lot we need to get - something in the bushes, MC thinks she knows what it is, MC’s concern for Caden - but I had to read it 3 times to make sure I caught it all.
Ooh, very nice! And is this a gorgon like those of Greek myth?
Courtney & Sara - Thanks.
Yay!
Karen & Tracey - This is sort of like the Greek myth, but I took the research I found and sort of morphed it to make own version of gorgons. So, they resemble the ones from the Greek myth and are based on them, but they are definitely not the same.
Dan - Thanks. Voice is important to me so that means a lot.
When you post something of yours, let me know. I wanna read!
Gretchen - Thanks for the input! I thought something was off about the third paragraph, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I’ll tighten it up in the second draft.
Medusa was a Gorgon, and they had the ability to turn people to stone - hence the name of the WIP I’m guessing.
Oddly, the D&D Gorgon has somehow become a bull, nothing like the Gorgon of Greek myth.
Very nice, Jen. The voice really is wonderful. Along the lines of what Gretchen mentioned, maybe give the “bad feeling” bit its own line? On my first read, it got lost in that paragraph so I was confused by the last line of the piece. Might just be a matter of reading on screen, though.
Good job!
With that last line, you can almost hear the eerie music in the background. Good job. =o)
You’re killing me here.
Want. To. Read.
Love it. I agree with B.E.–I heard eerie music with that last line, too. And your voice is wonderfully compelling.
I’m with Dan–I might post something of my own next week.
Yikes! I was still subscribed to your old feed. That situation has been corrected. I’ll fix my link tonight.
(I did wonder why you never posted . . . duh.)
Loved the excerpt! Gorgons–very cool!
Andrew - Yep, some of this is based on Medusa.
Greg - Thanks! I think I’m going to cut that paragraph into two.
B.E. - Oooh, Eerie music.
Kristin - Definitely post next week. I’d love to read some of your work.
Tia - Hi there! It should have switched over, but for some reason, some people’s feeds didn’t. Glad to see you here! And thanks.
Nice work, Jen! I was intrigued by the mention that she didn’t TASTE anything–must be part of her powers? One thing that confused me a bit was the fact that while she is kicking gravel, a noise that sounds like an avalanche of gravel catches her attention. Seems to me the two sounds would blend together and she might not notice the second. Could she be doing something else when she hears the noise?
Otherwise, great job!
Thanks, Julianne! Good point. The two acts were sort of related, but I’ll just make it clearer what she’s hearing. Thanks for the input!
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